I was talking with a good friend (Ty Paluska) last night about writing. He was talking about how he writes things down, on his blog, that he would like to talk to someone about but oftentimes doesn’t take the time to or have the time to. He said he does this to get things out of his head so they don’t run amuck in his brain.
My father-in-law, Brad Stephens, has been writing a weekly email/blog for as long as I can remember. I know when I read his blog, I think how jealous I am that he sees life’s importance in the little details of his week. It makes me think that he is more in tune with who he really is than I ever have been.
My good friend and pastor Charlie Dean writes most days. Sometimes its about exercise, food he’s cooking or growing, books he’s reading, or something that’s been bugging him. I feel the same way about Charlie as I do about my father-in-law. He seems to be paying attention to his life much more than I am to my own.
So, today, July 19, I am resurrecting this blog (dormant for 3 and a half years) as my daily place to reflect. Usually someone would make this decision on January 1. I, however, never think very well in the winter about something I need to change about myself. Put another way, I know what needs to change every January 1 and I never do anything about it. So, who cares if its the middle of the hottest month of the year and I’m making up my mind? I know. No one cares.
Today was a normal day off for me. Normal, nowadays, looks like a slightly more than stressed out me trying to figure out how not to wish I was somewhere other than hanging out with my two children under three and my tired wife. She’s tired this week because she decided on Sunday that she’s going to dread her hair and has been working methodically every night on permanently damaging her now stylish hair.
The kids didn’t do us any favors this morning, waking up at 5 am and 5:45am respectively…approximately two hours earlier than usual. So, the morning was akin to two zombies attempting to avoid consuming two little humans that they know they should unconditionally love but can’t seem to figure out how. And every parent knows that a child who didn’t get enough sleep isn’t super fun to hang out with, but they don’t do it on purpose (at least I don’t think they do).
The cool thing about being a tired dad is that sometimes you successfully accomplish creating fun and not hating life. We played, shopped, ate pizza and ice cream, gave the boy a haircut, did baths, clipped fingernails, and the kids went to bed relatively easily all things considered.
And today I stayed engaged.
I should be happy about Fridays off, and today, although I wasn’t, I feel like I successfully attained a healthy level of satisfaction in my lot in life. Today was a small victory in what has seemed like a 2.5 year season of mostly failures, self-pity, self-hatred, and fear that I will fail at this being a dad thing.
Now if I could just figure out how to teach my son to play catch.