Stomach Demons

I am pretty unhealthy. Most days I force my body to sift through gallons of aspartame, carbonation, and other additives in order to find water. I just don’t drink water. I know that’s not healthy, but I (usually) don’t care. I like soda.

This morning I woke up with an ulcer. Ulcers are little demons that live in your stomach lining that punch you as hard as they can periodically throughout the day. Then they leave you alone for awhile and make you feel like a King, only to return to punch you once again in the stomach and remind you that you’re no King.

It’s really difficult to do anything well when your ulcer punches you hard enough to elicit a response from you. My response when it’s gotten really rough today is to mutter “oh God”. Normally this would be fine, except that today I am working two shifts waiting tables at the restaurant. I can’t be in the middle of telling the salad dressings and say “oh God”. Like, “Would you like our house dressing, oh God, which is tomato basil vinaigrette, or ranch, or blue , oh God, cheese?” That could get awkward fast.

I’m hoping I can make it through the evening with the resilience to avoid responding to the stomach demon that I brought upon myself. I’m not certain I can. Right now it’s, oh God, not looking good.

So, for however long it takes, my weapons necessarily are water and bland foods. We all know what happens when we try to give up addictions to caffeine and other drugs, so if you think of it, pray for me that my stomach demon leaves me alone in record time. Until then, I’ll be the zombie muttering “oh God” while bumbling through my day eagerly anticipating my next bubbly drink.


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