That was the first word out of my mouth to my wife this afternoon when I arrived home from working the lunch shift at the restaurant. Lame.
See, she told me that she was dropping the kids off at the babysitter, going to an appointment, and then working through the rest of the day. But there she was, as far as I could tell watching television and “working” on the couch in the basement. The fact is, I didn’t expect her to be home, and I was looking forward to a lonely afternoon slightly working and being alone.
She was working. Fully working. Watching a lame training video for the new curriculum she is implementing at our church and taking notes. Her work was lame, but she wasn’t. She was doing what she said she was going to be doing. On top of that, her appointment that I mentioned was with a new therapist as she is again dealing with her depression, taking it seriously. I didn’t take that into account when the first word out of my mouth while walking through the door was, “Lame.”
The fact is, I’m lame (a point I think is probably obvious by now). I’m lame because I didn’t consider her feelings at all. I assumed she was just watching t.v. and fake working. I’m lame because the first words out of my mouth weren’t, “Hey, how was your appointment?” or, “I’m glad you’re home”, or even, “What’s up?” I’m lame because I failed miserably at taking care of my wife’s heart, and I’m lame because I was only thinking about myself and what I wanted.
It only took me and hour to apologize to her, after she left for the office again. I felt like I pushed her away, and I probably did. She graciously accepted my apology and its behind us now. But it made me think about how much I still suck at being a husband 10 years into this whole marriage thing. I’m still the same selfish, lame, loser that got married 10 years ago to the love of my life.
That, my friends, is lame.